Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize