His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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