i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
