Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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