I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
