At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
