physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize