I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
