I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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