Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
