What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
