The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
