we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize