i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
