Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
