yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
