It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
