i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
