i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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