You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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