I cannot find my penis.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do vagina's smell?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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