I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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