when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
