Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
