I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
