I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
