I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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