Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
