It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize