I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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