the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
