Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
