and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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