Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
