Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
