Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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