Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize