I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
