Will you blow on my dice?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
