I cannot find my penis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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