Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
