dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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