I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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