I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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