I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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