Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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