Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
