i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
