I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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