The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
