My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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