I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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