i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
