if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
