dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm too high and old for this...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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