I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
