You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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