Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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