That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
