AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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