Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
