is your mom at the bar?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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