Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
