I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
